Our Children are growing --- away from our culture

Our Children are growing…away from our Culture
In the last two weeks, I’ve taken my kids to two marriages, one a church wedding and the other a traditional Igbo (African) marriage. I’ll return to this to dwell on how these two marriages present two different faces of culture that govern the lives of Africans in the Diaspora, such as me.
Two things happened this past Saturday, June 5, to warrant that I reflect on how our children are growing up, away from our culture, the Igbo culture. Please, note that I, deliberately, did not make reference to Africa’s culture, for Africa, even Nigeria, is a multicultural society. First, Uche, my five-year-old son, looked for every excuses to avoid wearing the traditional Igbo “jumper” shirt, as we prepared to attend a traditional marriage ceremony of a family friend’s daughter, in Bellmawr New Jersey. Penultimate Saturday, when we attended the church wedding in Philadelphia, PA of what is now Mr. & Mrs. Okechukwu Onyeizu, Uche and I wore ‘jumper” shirts. At that time, Uche did not complain and seemed to like it. Ordinarily, traditional Igbo attire would not be the most appropriate dressing for a church wedding but neither Uche nor I had any official role in the wedding. So, we chose to appear Igbo.
Yesterday, however, the event at hand is a traditional Igbo marriage, something rare to find on the shores of the United States. So, I put my feet down that Uche must put on Igbo attire, just like me. We did not only have to appear in traditional Igbo attire, it has to be Isi Agu, one that has the tiger’s head inscribed on it. I was to add a black cap to match. Interestingly, Uche liked my cap and pestered me to let him put it on. At some point I let him, temporarily. If I was a title holder in Igbo land, I’d be wearing a red cap on my Isi Agu outfit.
At a time that I had felt relieved that Uche was comfortable in his traditional Igbo attire, Nnenna, my seven-year-old daughter, made a statement that got me back worrying if I had Igbo kids with me or just typical American children. She called a monster what every seven-year-old traditional Igbo girl would readily tell you is a masquerade. Whether it is here or in the motherland, hardly is any Igbo ceremony concluded without a traditional Igbo dance. Yesterday’s traditional marriage ceremony for Chizorom Eke-Okoro and Uzoma Ebisike was not different. The organizers hired the Universal African Dance & Drum Ensemble, which provided a spectacular entertainment extravaganza at the occasion; something that sent me back to Igbo land, emotionally. In many cases, an Igbo dance ensemble, just as the one in reference, would have a masked dancer, often referred to as a masquerade. In Igbo land, masquerades have their own myths associated with them. That, of course, is outside the scope of this article. But to call a masquerade a monster is almost a sacrilege. So, when Nnenna called the masquerade a monster, it presented a teachable moment for me and I went to work, right away. I can tell you, though, that it wasn’t that easy to get her out of her perception of what, in some Igbo communities, is considered sacred and revered. But isn’t she growing up in a different culture, away from ours? The whole thing reminded me of the attitude and perception of early European colonialists to whatever was African, something they didn’t even understand in the first place.
It is interesting that there is a lot about the two marital unions being discussed here that leaves some hope that Igbo culture is not about to go into extinction, even in America. The parties involved, like many other Igbo in America, heeded the Biblical injunction that people should marry from their culture, not out of ethnocentrism or any racial prejudice but to preserve what is left of their culture. All four people were born in Igbo land and three out of the four grew up in America. Eleven years ago when I met and became friends with Rev. (Dr.) Sunday Eke-Okoro and his family, Chizorom (the bride in yesterday’s traditional marriage) was just an 11-year-old girl. I believe that it is in the interest of Igbo culture that she chose to marry an Igbo man (Uzoma Ebisike) and that the family decided to give us a wonderful Igbo traditional marriage ceremony, with all the rites observed. No Igbo marriage is ever complete and legitimate without a traditional marriage ceremony. So, court or church marriage is not enough for the Igbo. The traditional ceremony is the one that gives the community a chance to have a say in and offer their blessing to the marriage. In fact, there are people who will argue that any Igbo traditional marriage done in the United States or anywhere outside Igbo land may still suffer a crisis of legitimacy.